Didn’t you know that as Christians we have to be happy all the time?

No, really, all the time, otherwise “the Devil scores points” …

As Christians things are not “hard”, they are “challenging”.

When you are asked how you are doing things should always we great, blessed, fantastic, good, or at the very worst, fine …

So how about you, when you get asked how you are doing do you give the real answer, or the “right” answer?

In response to my article entitled “Fathers, Do Not Embitter Your Children“, I received a very heartfelt question;

In regards to both scriptures in Colossians about children obeying your parents and fathers not embittering your children. How do either of the scriptures apply to a father/parent that has not raised you. Has been in and out of your life, I am now grown, he wants the respect a father should get but does not want to do things a father does. I have no grudges of the past but things that are going on now are very relevant to the present state of our relationship.

The scriptures that I referred to in the original article were Colossians 3:20-21;

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Based on what I have heard from other Christians I recommended the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. The books subtitle is “When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life”.

I also linked to an article entitled “How do we honour and abusive parent?“. Although the absent father was not “abusive”, I wondered if some of the issues would be the same.

How Do You Think the Reader Should Honour Their Absent Father?

I felt like my answer was inadequate to fully answer the depth of  the question I was asked.

I would love to open up the comments for other people’s thoughts on the readers question and how they should honour their absent father who is now back in their life…

In 1 Corinthians 13 we can read about what “Love” is, and what love is not.

According to Paul if we don’t have love, we have nothing of value.

One verse that is especially challenging is 1 Corinthians 13:5 which states:

… (love) keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV)

Do we live up to that?

Can we live up to that?

If we forget all of the wrongs people do to us, as God does for us through Jesus Christ, how will that transform our relationships with others? How could that transform relationships between nations?

From Paul’s description we can read that love is completely selfless. It is not something that we do to benefit ourselves, but rather is it something that costs us for the benefit of others.

We all fall short of this description of true love, no matter how hard we try, but that doesn’t mean we stop trying…

… for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ. (Romans 2:23-24 NIV)

Loving unconditionally, forgiving others, and forgetting other’s wrongs against us is not easy in our own strength. So instead of trying to do it ourselves…

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)

How do you approach your relationships? Are you ready to throw out your relationship score card?

Most parent’s would probably admit that Colossians 3 verse 20 is one of their favourites to quote to their kids. I know that I’m a fan…

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Col 3:20 NIV

Lately I have been challenged by the verse that follows which says:

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Col 3:21 NIV

This is a challenging statement and it is telling that it comes immediately after telling the children to obey their parents.

As parents we have a huge responsibility for our children

God wants us to teach our children to love Him and His truth.

We need to teach our children that they can talk to God through prayer and can have a personal relationship with Him.

We are to teach them contentment with what God provides and excitement for what God has planned.

We also need to teach them that they have value in God’s eyes and that God has a plan and a purpose for their life.

While teaching and discipling our children in the way of the Lord we must also not embitter them.

What can embitter our children?

• Destructive criticism
• Overprotection
• Showing favouritism
• Not teaching and showing them that they have value
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Not showing affection
• Not meeting their needs
• Not having standards or boundaries
• Showing indifference or neglecting them
• Disciplining out of anger and not love

If I am honest with myself I can admit that I stuff up, a lot, as a parent. I look at what it takes to raise children and I can feel overwhelmed sometimes by the enormity of it all. They aren’t tasks or projects, they are people. They are created in the image of God, a God who has a plan and a purpose for their lives, and a God who trusted them with me as their Dad!

As parents we can always get better at what God has called us to do. We can read books, compare notes with other parents, and try harder. We can also pray.

God can give us grace and wisdom if we ask for it. This, above all other things, gives me hope for my children’s future…

Some more reading about Colossians 3:21:

• God’s Word for Parents- Union Church
• Precept Austin – Col. 3:21